or how my my alters and i are merging together

Archive for the category “alters”

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This World is Fucking Crazy and so Are You!

Been off-the-blog for a while. Was too freaked out about what I discovered in hypnosis, so many memories, so many alters, not enough answers. Plus I was baffled by the stupid crap people wrote in comments. I deleted. So manyhaters and denials peeps out there.

Two weeks ago I drove down to the Bay Area for this Super Solider summit thing because I wanted to see what was what and talk to Max Spiers in person. And Solaris Blueraven. They both are connected to memories, to say nothing of “Sarah Stanga.” But when I got there, there was such a heavy dark cloud around, and I do not mean the real weather. The place was crawling with intel agents: human, non-human, obvious and invisible. Greys there too. I could not deal with it and had a bad bad vibe. So I took off. Went back homeward. Missimg time. At least two hours. I dunno what happened. Do I wanna know what happened? (Someone behind-the-scenes told me some crazy shit did go down.)

Also read that Sarah Stanga aka Valerie Swerdlow was not allowed into the US of A. Thank goodness! Who knows what kind of crazy shit she had planned. There must be some good guys White Knights angles or whatnot out there looking out for us!


I went to a respected hynotherapist yesterday to explore certain memories and my memories of Sarah Stanga/Valerie Swerdlow and her alter, Carrie, are clear and correct. Just because she does not have memories of her alter, or alters, doesn’t mean she has to be mean and negate it like I am crazy.

Hey, Sarah, I remember you giving me those books by your half-brother, Stweart Swerdlow, and pressing me into the Enochian magic stuff.

Aaron & I: Eye Spy the Dolphin Guy

More and more memories of Aaron McCullum are coming back. It all started at Pendleton and then Coronado Naval Base. He was a petty officer in the Coast Guard and in the programs with me when I was a WAVE commissioned officer (thanks to my father’s rank in the Navy). I remember us getting tattoos together in Oceanside and then fucking all night in a motel room. We were celebrating a mission gone good in Yemen. Weird because Frida did the mission but Ashleigh was the one who wanted to fuck. Frida would never get down with a guy unless ordered to do so, and she would never like it the way Ashleigh does. I don’t think Aaron was an alter, he was himself. I dunno for sure.

But Aaron abducted me twice and I helped him abduct people too. I helped him, or Frida did, do awful sexual torture to newbies in Project Monarch.

When Aaron knocked me up, ONI and the reptoids were very interested in the fetus because of Aaron’s dolphin DNA. What the frick, man, was I gonna give birth to a baby with fins? Well who knows because I was taken by the grays and this mantis doctor removed the fetus. Aaron was there and he said he was sorry but they wanted this baby for testing. The mantis showed me the little fetus, maybe 9 weeks old, nothing but fleshy goo really, it was in some kind of container in fluid, and I began to cry.

Later, when I was taken a year later and they removed another fetus that was implanted, not there by sex, I asked about the dolphin fetus and they told me it died, it could not grow right. I felt empty. I kind of felt it was for the best I mean who the hell wants to be born some weird hybrid dolphin-human?  I mean naturally that might be cool but under control of aliens and the OSI, that would suck.

I wish I could get ahold of Aaron and ask him if he remembers me, what other things we did.I think we were only on three or four missions, and some abductions, we weren’t close, just two soldiers. Someone told me he is married now. That is cool. I wonder if he has kids and if ONI took them or are monitoring them.

The Strangeness of Stanga

I just read two recent blog posts about Sarah Stanga here at Anyaisachannel and here at Ex-White Hat Confessions, and my alter Frida was triggered. I knew about this but have pushed it far away, but this:

My alter, Frida, was lovers with Sarah when Frida/I was in Leeds in the U.K. Down in the MI6 base there, run by a bunch of reptoidal freaks and Luciferian Limeys. Sarah and I put on hardcore lesbian BDSM shows during rituals, but alone we would make tender love…or Frida and her made love. Although knowing Frida, she got off more on the S/M. So did Carrie, who is Sarah’s alter when we did these ritual shows for these people.

Sarah’s alter, Carrie, is a high priestess in the Order and Temple of Moloch. I dunno if “Sarah” knows that. Probably not, she would flip out if she knew one of her alters was a high-up bitch in the same Luciferian sect she seems to be against. Unless she is a disinfo slit like her evil brother, Stewert Swerdlow.

Yeah, people probably don’t know “Sarah Stanga” is a pseudonym. Her real name is “Valerie Swerdlow,” younger sister of master programmer and disinfo spook Stewart. But that’s not her fault. She was messed with like I was and like many others have been.

Contemplation in Isolation


1/ Maybe I am just nuts & it’s all in my noggin & I should be tossed into the rubber room for six months & poked & probed & medicated & shrinked to find out what the heck is up with my brain

2/ Fuck that. I am pissed off as hell & someone’s gonna gotta better pay for what they did to me at Coronada & Pendleton & Project Talent

3/ Maybe I should forgive & forget & be a “good little girl” like they told me down in the basement with the big ugly Dracos locos

4/ Maybe I should move to some remote island or third world nation where “they” can never find me again

5/ Maybe I should let Ashleigh or Frida take over and “I” will take a long hard nap and never come back

6/ Maybe I should hitch a ride to the skies

7/ Maybe I should drop acid and go to the beach & find god in the ocean blue (cuz god is a dolphin)

8/ Maybe I should write a book and get rich

9/ Maybe I should buy a boat & sail..but I need to get rich to buy that boat.

10/ Maybe I should event the half-click, better that 1-click, for fast internet retail sales, & the world will cal me “the 1/2-click chick.”

Beyond Abu Gahrib

I know that the whole Abu Gahrib thing was some kind of planned bullshit. Not that the torture and interrogation didn’t happen there, it did, but the leaking of it all was planned. These folks high up the food chain don’t just let this shit happen without their not being behind it. They sacrificed the soldiers there, or else those trials and convictions were a show. I am thinking they released this stuff to either scare the crap out of anyone who might get detained, that they will “talk” knowing what might be in store for them, or else this was released as a distraction for whatever else was going on in the news/at the White House at the time. I don’t remember what else was happening in the world of politics and war.

Maybe it was done to intentionally infuriate the Muslims, so they would attack soldiers or people in the U.S., then there would be more excuses to take our freedoms away and start more wars. Like this whole Koran burning crap, I just know this is a psyops project by the CIA/NSA/whatever.

As for Abu Gahrib and Guantonomo, there are worse places where more horrible interrogation tortures go on. I know this deep down because my alter Frida has been there. She is very good at torture and she enjoys it. I have memories of her with gloves on and all greased up and ass-fisting prisoners to get information out, cutting off fingers and ears and pulling out teeth. I hate to say I have memories of doing this, but “I” am buried so far deep in my noggin and Frida is in control, all I can do is crawl into a corner of my head and watch. I can’t even close my eyes because Frida and I share the same eyes. But she seems to get the information needed, if there is any. Sometimes these torture tactics are done to one prisoner and other prisoners are made to watch. This makes them talk because they are afraid it will happen to them. They did this when I was a kid, they would torture another kid and make me and whoever else was there watch. We would see the kid get his legs or arms cut off or hung from a hook or brutally raped. We were told if we did not obey or perform that we would be next.

Alternate Alters on the Altar of My Soul(s)

Wow. I just got done talking to someone and she says she does not feel her alters are “alters” in the Project Monrach sense but that they could be her in alternate universes or timelines, that somehow she has tuned in to her various selves and experiences their lives. I asked her if they did the same, if they tune into her in this universe and she said probably, makes sense. And then we talked about how maybe our souls are not inside just one body but can, at the same time, incarnate in several bodies, a dozen, any number. And the memories I am having are not really an alter but the other people my soul is in.

This blows my fucking my mind. I have my doubts. Why would I remember totture and rape and missions that feel so real not like someone else’s life.

I guess we will never know until we get to the bottom of it all. I mean, maybe the answer is all the possibilities, alters here, alternate timelines, paraelle universes, and multi-bodies per soul, it’s all happening.

And don’t talk to me about clones. Just thinking about clomes makes me wanna wretch.

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